People stay with partners who are not good for them for a plethora of reasons, and this makes knowing when to break up one of the most difficult parts of dating. You will have to ask yourself a handful of questions you may not want to answer, and take a deep look at things you’d probably prefer to pass over.
Are You Happy?
A somewhat generic question, but it is truly amazing how quickly a man or woman can slip into unhappiness without quite realizing it in a relationship. Staying happy can be hard work sometimes. This is also a question that is harder to answer than it seems. It is possible to mistake attachment for happiness, or desire for love.
Robert Frost once said that”love is the irresistable desire to be irresistably desired.”This can hold a remarkable amount of truth, depending on your situation. It’s easy to stay with someone you’ve fallen out of love with if he or she worships you. Human nature draws us toward flattery and what boosts our sense of self-worth. The key is finding this self-worth on your own so you can separate indulging in flattery from the feeling of sincere connection with someone.
Is it Still Your Life?
Take a snapshot of your life before your relationship and right now. Consider it a red flag if your passions, hobbies, friends, and whatever consumed your energies in a fulfilling and stimulating way has been replaced by working out problems with this person. Everyone runs into roadblocks in relationships, but if you find yourself always in a downtrodden emotional pickle, it may be time to re-evaluate.
Is it Reciprocal?
Successful relationships preserve a healthy balance between giving and taking, compromising and strength. If you find yourself the one always conceding, or always taking, this may not be a time to break up, but at least a time to reassess your standards so both you and your partner are getting what you need.
What is the Feedback Like?
It can be hard to listen to your friends preach to you about your own relationships; they rarely”know what it’s really like.”And while everyone wants their friends to love their boyfriend or girlfriend, it won’t always be the case. But if your friends are intervening, it may be because they sense a negative difference in you for whatever reason. If they’ve seen you unhappy for a year, crying more often than smiling, or putting up with disrespect, it may be a heartfelt call to you from those who sincerely care for you and know your real nature.
Breaking up is hard and tragic for everyone, but if it’s the right thing it will be better after you get over the hump of feeling lost or lonely. Ask anyone who has made it through a break-up. It’s also important to consider whether the signals you are reading are not necessarilly indicators to break up, but rather, to talk more. Couples go through all sorts of obstacles, and if you learn to communicate well, almost anything can be worked out, smoothed over, and strengthened in the long run.
Remember to consider that if your relationship is rocky, it may have something to do with the time of the year or outside stresses.
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